Not all of nature has a purpose. Taking a
nap in a sunbeam is valid.
I think it’s important to start with a
discussion of the merits of relaxing. Often it is thought about as something
external, as something you do. It is
considered a little self indulgent and only justifiable after several days of
hard work. Most people have favourite ways to ‘switch off’ and that is a sort
of forgetting about the situations you’re dealing with, for a while. All these
ideas, I’m afraid to say, are mistaken. Relaxing is internal, like the deep
breath you take just before you fall asleep.
Rather than being indulgent or unjustified,
it is the only way you can take responsibility for your actions. If you are
relaxed inside, you will not be reactive to the people around you or events
that happen. Furthermore, the quality of the people and events that show up
will improve too.
The real route to wellbeing therefore is to
switch on rather than switch off. Become conscious of what is happening inside
you and if that is stress, address it head on. Do not let it manifest instead
as heartburn, a headache or irritability. If you have ever experienced someone
‘rubbing you up the wrong way’ it is only because, inside, you are stressed.
Probably all arguments, fights and accidents are aggravated stress.
When we find ourselves thinking about
something a lot we tend to think that there really is something there that
needs to be thought about. When we think someone has done wrong, be it our own guilt
or blame, we carry it around with accompanying bad feelings. If we worry, we
assume there is something to worry about. If we are stressed, we assume that
something genuinely stressful is happening and if we are tired, we suppose that
things are tiring.
However, thinking, blaming, stress and exhaustion
are all different forms of hardened resistance. Our energy is not flowing, our
minds are not open and tolerant; our hearts are heavy and ignored. You will
notice that thoughts go down the same roads every day. You will hopefully also
now notice how your thoughts depress your emotions and bring a sort of permanent
fatigue into the physical body too. So, if you have ever felt demotivated, that
is what is going on.
A direct experience of this I had was with
the social welfare. I had always been sure that they were waiting for people to
slip up, say the wrong thing, tick the wrong box or declare something in good
faith that they can use to justify taking you off their register, of people
needing assistance. I had made just such a declaration and they had said that
my ‘earnings weren’t from self employment’, they were from a ‘change of
circumstance’ which I had not heard of before. That first night, I contemplated
what might happen and I could not sleep. The anxiety took shape in my chest as
a feeling of rigidity and in my mind as a sort of paralysis. When you can’t do
anything practical, it is a real opportunity to practice working on the underlying
dynamics that are what are really hurting you anyway. I closed my eyes and said
‘this is neither good nor bad’ and ‘I am so grateful that things always work
out alright’. I couldn’t be sure either of these statements were true. Saying
them, though, is like a training in talking yourself down from the ledge of
self destruction. What would your friends say? ‘Don’t worry, we’ll deal with
it’. Soon you will be able to say to yourself, ‘Right here right now,
everything is okay. I’m warm, I’m safe, I’m having a good rest before looking
at what I need to do next’. You are literally telling yourself what you’re
doing, why and how it’s going to turn out. That way, sleep comes easily. When
feeling particularly feisty, cultivate the determination to let nothing and no
one disturb your peace of mind…especially anyone that is making your life
difficult.
I started my working life as a social
worker and laboured under the illusion that if I took time off from caring, there
would be no one caring what happened to the people on the streets. More
recently, I learnt that a human being needs to conserve their energy by responding
effectively and authentically to the world around you but when you’re on your
own? Return to being happy and contented. It is a replenishing choice.
The first steps towards relaxation are
usually experienced as a softening of the intellect and a relaxing of the ego’s
hold (which in simple terms is a vice grip that people are held in that tells
them ‘I think this so it must be true’ and ‘I am nothing more than I think I am).
Relaxation is therefore crucial to allow you to realize and become conscious that
you are so much more than a sum of your parts and the sum of your past.
Naps are a good place to start and moving
to the side of the house where the sun shines in the window, over the course of
the day. For sustainable relief from stress, start clearing it. Identify one
mental, one emotional, one physical and one environmental stress that you are
dealing with. An example of mental stress, could be an upcoming test or
interview; emotional stress could be a critical partner or even critical inner
voice; a physical stress could be an old injury or a demanding lifestyle with
children to lift, animals to feed, blocks to be carried or whatever; an
environmental stress could be damp accommodation or a smoky fire.
The majority of stresses though are unseen
and so not considered. Take the power nap opportunity to set a general
intention to clear all the stresses you are under. Let your sleeping, dreaming
mind unwind the stresses it comes across, while you are out for the count.
R&R provides vital perspective.
